What I've Learned From 455 Days of Yoga

I began doing daily yoga on September 1, 2015. 

I have not stopped. 

I used to have a daily yoga practice at various times in my life, dating back to the late 1990s. Yes, I have VHS yoga tapes. (I still have to donate those! Haha!).

Besides my current streak of 455 days (as of this writing), I also had a daily practice before I began writing my first book in 2011. During my book publication journey, I had stopped all my positive, daily habits. It’s taken me close to four years to get them back to autopilot. It’s been quite the long road. 

I’ll share a list of things that I’ve learned having over one year of a daily yoga practice. The thing is, there’s so much more I have learned than these things. These simply are a summary and well, I’m a work in progress. Please don’t read folks’ lists online about their growth journeys and think you totally get what is going on with them, okay?:

1. I learned that it takes more than 21 or 28 days to build a daily habit. I don’t believe the studies that say you can create a habit in a month or less. For some of us, it takes way longer and that’s okay. 
2. I need accountability and support when creating a habit. I have a best buddy of mine who began this journey with me. We text each other daily with our “I did yoga today’.” Yep. This is how I roll. I’m so grateful to have this pal of mine! I love her! 
3. I learned that some days, all I can do is 5-10 minutes of yoga, due to illness, fatigue, or just life being life. Those 5-10 minutes DO count as yoga. Having a dedication to a practice or a self-care ritual isn’t an all-or-nothing thing. 
4. I’m more peaceful, calm, and happy, but I still have my stressed out moments. Yoga always makes me feel way better!
5. I’m not enlightened. I have a LONG way to go with this, but I do feel that I am more patient with others. I also feel more accepting, kind, compassionate, and loving towards myself and others.
6. I prefer to do yoga in my pajama pants at home with a DVD or recording or my own flow. I don’t like studios as of yet, but hmm, maybe I will find one I enjoy one day in the near future? 
7. Yoga does me now. I don’t do yoga, to be honest. I feel that sense of flow or being in my body, which is hard to explain. 
8. I take my yoga off the mat. I’m that kind person who lets folks cut into traffic, holds doors for others, and smiles at most people. Yep, I’m “that” person! Haha! 
9. I do yoga in public places in line at the grocery store, for example. I don’t notice if others’ give me strange looks. I work on my balance or breathing. Yoga has become a way of life! 
10. I feel more flexible. I still can’t touch my nose to my knees in forward bends. That is not point of yoga. I have tight hamstrings from years of being a competitive runner and cyclist. These days, I prefer to walk and do yoga. I have let go of all of my competitive nature as an athlete. I’m a yoga athlete, but I don’t really compete with others. Nope. 
11. I still have days when I don’t feel like doing yoga, such as when I have bad menstrual cramps, fatigue or autoimmune symptoms or when I am feeling run down from anemia. I still do a bit of yoga. I sometimes challenge myself to do a full practice and it’s interesting…99% of the time, it helps me feel 200% better! Yep!
12. Resistance to doing a daily habit or practice is normal. I work with it and talk to it, not to sound too crazy. I will just tell my ego or resistance, “Hey, we are going to do this, okay?”
13. I have become more and more sensitive to energies. I feel others’ pain, heartache, and sadness. I feel everything. I just let it wash through me or around me and don’t take it on or into my being. I breathe it out and breathe in love. 
14. I feel I’m more part of the oneness of the universe. I don’t see things as yes or no or black or white or this or that. It’s much more complicated, but not really. We are all one. Everything is one. We are even one with Donald Trump. Yep, I went there! I didn’t vote for him, but really, I don’t think you need to know any more about my political views here.
15. I’ve learned that love is needed. We are love. You can’t love too much. 
16. I’ve learned that I’m badass. I mean, about four months after my mom passed, I began my daily yoga practice up again. I knew that I had to work with grief. I chose to become friends with grief. In 2015, I went to six funerals. I’ve wrote about this here quite a bit, but I have learned that it’s totally possible to be happy and healthy, no matter what is going on outside of you. Actually, there is no “outside.” Everything within and outside of you are the same. It’s all one thing…at least, to me!
17. I don’t study Buddhism much any more on a serious level. It was making my head hurt. I prefer to be open-hearted, not up in my head! I do enjoy yoga as a philosophy for life, but I’m not religious. Yoga is not a religion. I am a yoga geek and I do read books on it, however. But, I don’t think you want to know about my spiritual beliefs, haha! Long story short, I don’t follow anything or anyone too much any more and I’ve even discarded 99% of the New Age teachings I once adhered to as a student. 
18. Life isn’t about acquiring things, people, or status, etc. For me, I’ve discovered that the more I’ve let go, the happier and healthier I’ve become. Learning how to relax my body has helped me relax my mind. I’ve also taken this off the mat on a journey of mine to become a minimalist. I’m a work in progress, but slowly and ever so surely, I’m reducing possessions, time sucks, and yes, even people who drain me.
19. Yoga is a tool. It’s a great tool. You might find a tool that works better for you. Although I LOVE yoga, I wouldn’t want to push it on you or others. However, since 1997, I’ve been contemplating doing my yoga teacher training and teaching. I still might become a yoga teacher. I’m working on finding my yoga tribe and where I feel I will thrive and fit in the best.
20. The world needs peaceful folks. It’s so tempting to caught up in a few media sources’ take on the world and its events. The thing is, one more peaceful person does help the planet. If all you did was meditate and/or do yoga daily, you’d be working towards world peace. I’m no longer feeling like marching or protesting or being physically political active. I do most of my activism on my yoga mat, sending peace and love to the planet. I mean, I do some work with animals and the environment, but I’m not wanting to write about it here. It would seem like humble bragging and that is not who I am at all. 

Yoga rocks! I’ve known this though for many years. I have been enjoying the path. I chose not to share which yoga DVDs I do or which teachers I follow because then, it would seem like I’m endorsing a certain style or set of teachers. I will just say that I’m a bit eclectic. I do what I feel is needed for the day in my body, mind, spirit, and heart. That is quite a way to do yoga. I feel it’s a great way to live…follow what feels right for you in the moment. I might eventually change up things or find some teachers I want to focus with, but for now, I’m enjoying the flow. I’ll be continuing forward with my daily yoga practice, intending to do so for the rest of my life. Yep! 

Thanks for reading,

Lisa Selow

(copyrighted 2016) 

When Others Don't Like Who You Have Become

Over the past four years, I've sure changed! 

I'll bet you also have changed quite a bit, given that the only constant in the universe is change. 

My changes have been for the better. I'm feeling 200% or more happier and healthier. I worked rather hard for a long time to get here. 

The thing is, I'm still becoming (borrowing this from my gurus, The Brave Girls' Club). 

I do plan on changing a whole lot more!

There are habits I'm creating still. I'm working on learning tons of new things. There's art and music I wish to create. I have some more books in me. I hope my hair loss continues to heal, so I can have ombré hair! Ha! There are places I want to visit. I have a few old, creative dreams I'm resurrecting. I'm continuing to add healing foods to my diet. There's more yoga I want to learn. 

I’m sad though because I’ve recently began noticing the backlash from some who are close to me. There were passive aggressive comments. There were snarky comments. Some asked me to help them in ways I no longer can. It seemed like when I set boundaries, this challenged them. 

Ugh. It’s not easy being human. 

What I wish I could've said in those backlash type of moments is that I worked so hard to be healthy and happy again. There were days I could hardly function, due to autoimmune flare. I would say how much it would mean to me if they could at least be 10% happy for my at least one areas of my transformation.

I've been doing some deep, gut check thinking about others' reactions to the so-called new me. Here is a list of some of my insights:

• The core of who I am is still there. I try to reassure others to remember this. However, it’s not my job to make them feel safe. 
• My changes seem to trigger folks. I never share my life or create new habits to make others feel badly or to "brag." 
• Relationships that are able to weather the other's transitions and changes are meant to last. If not, they must be released or kept at a healthy distance. 
• If others are being unkind, I must look at where I'm being unkind to myself. Also, am I really on board with my changes? The outer always reflects the inner. 
• I'm always happy to support others in making changes, but I never tell them how or what they need to change. 
• I'm allowed to be happy and healthy, even glowing and vibrant. It’s so exciting when the things you have been doing begin to work! I like having color in my skin, small stuff like that. It’s not like I became a millionaire and you need to be jealous of me, hahaha! 
• If others only can be around me when my life sucks, they aren't true friends. I’m borrowing from Melody Beattie and others here: “Company hates misery.” 
• True friends celebrate with you.

It all seems simple, but when others don’t like who you have become, it’s an emotionally huge thing to process. I love people, but doing so can't be at the expense of my hard-earned happiness and health. I also used to downplay my light in the past. I can't any more. 

So, when others don’t like who you are becoming, just remember these things:

• There are some folks usually in your life who will love you, even if you are making big changes
• If you don’t have anyone in your life to support and love you, find a tribe who gets you, even if it’s online 
• Use others’ snarky or passive aggressive comments or hurtful words or behavior to become even happier. Set boundaries and lovingly speak your truth, but do something for you. Each time something negative happens, I like to sip on a cup or herbal tea. I also will walk an extra lap outside (Thanks so much, haters, for making me skinnier and skinnier, hahaha!)
• Immerse yourself in positivity. Curate your newsfeeds online and in social media, as well as your emails and blogs you subscribe to, to be uplifting and inspiring. 
• If someone says something negative to you about a change you’ve made, take that change to another level. I mean, don’t retaliate and be mean, but have some fun. I had a loved one say they didn’t like my floppy hats, so I bought some more of them. They spark joy for me! 
• If someone annoys you, you can use it as raw material for your creative projects. Doodle, draw, or make art to release stress. Write a song about them or a short story or something. Don’t name names, of course. (Careful, you’ll end up in my song!). 
• You have ancestors who love you. I tap into these energies when I feel like the living folks don’t love me enough or approve of me. 
• Life is too short not to follow your passions or to not be as healthy and happy as you can be in your life. 
• Find a way to vent about it. You can write in a journal or talk to a trusted friend.
• Get a coach or a therapist. Use others’ negativity to help heal the places that still feel unhealed. They know which buttons to push. Get rid of the buttons. 
• Don’t take it personally. Try not to, even though it’s hard. 
• If someone isn’t kind to you, it could be their issues, such as jealousy. You might be illuminating their areas of weakness, unhappiness, or disease. It’s not your job to fix them or try to covert them to your ways of living, being, and thinking.
• Be happy anyway. No one really can destroy your happiness or health. Nope. You need to speak up, set boundaries, and take care of your precious self.

With the holidays coming, I plan on standing in my truth with love and gentleness. I do find that I like to get curious by asking others questions about the hurtful things they say to me. I will say, “What do you mean by that?” Usually, folks will rephrase things in a kinder way or realize that maybe they were off base. Don’t engage them in arguments. Don’t name call or yell. Don’t start a conflict. Just be a kind soul, a fellow traveler who wants to know their truth too. Of course, walk away any abusive situations and please take care of you!

Blessings and love,

Lisa Selow 

(copyrighted 2016) 

What I Learned Being Off Facebook For Seven and a Half Months

As I type this here, I’m getting ready to log back into Facebook, after a seven-and-a-half-month hiatus. 

Wish me luck, hahaha! 

In the spring of 2016, I decided I didn’t want to be on Facebook during the American election. I was already tiring of some folks who posted their “opinions” and various dividing, dramatic, media links. 

So, I decided to be off Facebook from 4/01/16 to 11/15/16. (I must mention that I still used the Messenger portion of Facebook during this time. There were a couple of times I had to get onto Facebook quickly to log into other apps that I use. Oh well, I didn’t scroll in my newsfeed or go into my groups. On some occasions, some chose to send me links from Facebook to check out certain things and I didn’t look at those. I guess some don’t understand “I’m off Facebook,” which tells you how distracted our modern culture has become!)

I wanted to be under my own influence for a while, not just with the election, but in other areas of my life. I wanted to put a big dent in my decluttering project (which I did). 

I also wanted to get my focus back. I have found during other social media type of detoxes or abstaining from technology that I have always brought about a new sense of clarity, focus, and renewal in various parts of my life. 

This time around, I have to say that I’m emerging as the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been in my life. 

My return to Facebook will not be what it was before regarding how I use the site and especially not with how often I used it in the past. I took the Facebook app off my iPhone this past weekend and during my hiatus, I didn’t refer to it once. 

I know that I’m stronger than my habitual ways of being. 

I’m putting some boundaries on my Facebook use and time. I’m going to be on Facebook for a total of one hour per week on one or two days total each week. I also plan on only checking my other social media such as Twitter and Instagram, as well as my emails, texts, and voice messages once per day. 

I’m tired, actually exhausted from constantly being plugged in and feeling others’ expectations that I reply almost instantly to them. Some of it is our digital world creating the feeling we must respond to everything and everyone instantly. I don’t actually blame others, but I do need better boundaries. I no longer want to be others’ free coach or business consultant or online marketer. I’m done with those fields. 

I also can’t be in constant conversation with others. It drains me. I was taking stock and there’s a few folks I enjoy chatting with online, but even my best friend and I don’t talk every day or even every week and our interactions are mostly by email or seeing each other in person from time to time. 

One thing I began to observe about Facebook Messenger on my hiatus from the rest of the app was how much friends of mine write me when they are at work. I’d write back right away because I’m a caring person, but then, I had a revealing truth bomb-y type of thought. I realized some in my life see me as their work break or good time friend. I mean, I don’t have a traditional 9 to 5, but I still do my work during those hours. 

Yes, ugh, I need better boundaries. This is something I will be working on the next few months. I want more of my days back to create art and music on a higher level that will make me happier. 

Yep. I’m reclaiming my schedule and getting my focus back from digital distractions. The distractions not only keep me from doing my important work, but also, when I engage in them, I get quite exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

In the past, I’ve done other social media detoxes. This current one that is ending today is my longest ever and it was related specifically to Facebook. I don’t really care for those top 10 list type of blog posts, but I’m making an exception today and I’m sure my list will be longer than 10 items. In no special order, here are the things I learned being off Facebook for seven-and-a-half months:

1. Some people care. Some people care deeply. Some people don’t care at all. 
2. Without your hundreds of “friends,” you will still mostly talk to or see your 5-20 people you love the most. Yep.
3. Some will say they “miss you on Facebook” when you are standing in the flesh in front of them and your head will spin. You might even feel hurt. Don’t let it. Just accept that some people find social media to be fun or a way to connect. For some of us, we find it alienating and isolating, along with frustrating, to put it mildly. 
4. Some will say that Facebook is a great way to keep in touch. Yet, they are the same ones who only connect with you once or twice per year. Hmm. Interesting, isn’t it?
5. I found ways to follow my favorite bands, artists, bloggers, and events that didn’t involve Facebook.
6. If you are off Facebook, if you are important enough to people, they will find a non-Facebook way to invite you to events. 
7. Not everyone needs an instant reply. In fact, you don’t even have to reply at all. If you aren’t family or a real friend, I don’t have to reply to you. Nope. Not everyone needs a reply. 
8. Find your favorite place and spend time there. For me, it’s Instagram. I prefer it to Facebook and it soothes my introvert, hermit, sensitive, and creative soul. I still put limits on how much time I spend on there. 
9. Life is way better than the media or social media newsfeeds would have you believe. There’s a whole world outside. Actually, the world and you are one in the same. I sort of laugh when folks refer to “the world outside of Facebook” or “the world out there.” It’s all one, right? I thought it was. Did I miss something? 
10. Political discussions can be quite dividing. I saw some of that play out on Twitter and Instagram. So, I learned don’t ever read the comments. I tended to get my news from other sources such as the BBC and NPR. I felt that some on Facebook love to proliferate negativity by posting rants. I decided that I’m no longer interested in drama, even observing it. No thanks. I will send good vibes to places and people needing it from my yoga mat and do my best to embody love daily in my actions or dealings with others.
11. Everyone is offended by everything. I’m a highly sensitive person who is liberal and yet, I’m in utter shock or amazement daily at how much folks say they’re offended online on a daily basis. What ever happened to taking responsibility for your emotions? What ever happened to taking action on causes versus just complaining rampantly online about it all? Being offended is easy, cheap, and expected. Why not actually do something to make the world a better place? I do feel small actions help the most. I myself all on my own can’t eradicate the world’s problems, but I can be peaceful, which is me being a part of the solution. 
12. Some are lemmings. I’m sorry to be unkind by name calling, but if you really think about it, social media is a way to zone out. It’s hypnotizing. It pulls you away from what and who is important to you. It can be insular too, causing people to be comfortable and not seek out other sources of news, information, and such. I don’t care to allow others on a so-called social app to curate my experience, my reality, or my life. I’m not easily hypnotized by what’s popular. If a majority of people are doing something, such as using Facebook, it doesn’t mean that I should do it too. 
13. I don’t need your approval. Facebook has some cool features like groups. I used to go in them to get support and approval. With my decluttering project, I wanted to see what it was like to pull on my own, inner resources. I learned that I don’t need quite as much support or approval as I thought. I’m very wise, more than I give myself credit for, yep! Regarding approval, you don’t really need it. It’s human to need some, but you don’t need as much as you think you do. 
14. I can get healthy dopamine hits by doing other things such as learning new songs on guitar, making art, coloring, gardening. walking, cooking, and writing. Scrolling messes up my brain. I prefer to have a calmer mind. I don’t need to self-medicate by scrolling on Facebook. I can scroll on Instagram for five minutes per day and it makes me smile and laugh. Then, I’m done. I get inspiration, but it’s not an addiction. When I post on Instagram, there’s a way to turn off comments too. So, I don’t need the dopamine hit of comments approving of me or giving me compliments either.
15. Friendship is a precious thing. I feel that at times, Facebook makes it seem trite or impersonal. Nope, that is not how I roll as a friend. I don’t care to have shallow interactions or friendships. If you want to get to know me, you are going to have to spend time with me in person. I’ve noticed how rude it is when you are with someone in person and they pick up their so-called smartphone to look at something on Facebook and part of you wants to scream, “I’m right here! I’m right here!” So, yeah, I’ve had to re-evaluate my friendships and how I spend my time. As I carve out new boundaries, please me kind, patient, understanding and compassionate with me. As I carve out new boundaries, please me kind, patient, understanding and compassionate with me. Thanks.

With love and respect,

Lisa

(copyrighted by Lisa Selow 2016) 

You Don't Need to Know Everything About Me

Hi there! It's been a while since I posted. I don't really care to justify why you haven't heard from me.

Let's just say that I'm learning to accept that I'm a private, sensitive introvert.

However, as the photograph of me as a happy 5 year-old graduating from Kindergarten next to my teacher shows, I'm small, but vibrant. I do like to share my light.

Learning makes me happiest.

Speaking of learning, it seems like one of my biggest areas of growth has been about mindfulness or being more present.

I've owned a smartphone since 2011. It's been fun, but I've had to learn to put limits on myself. I have important songs I want to write and share.

Scrolling through newsfeeds isn't going to assist my mission. Nope.

I've been off Facebook (except Messenger) since April 1, 2016. I will be back on as of November 15, 2016.

I've had other social media breaks in the past of varying durations. This hiatus from Facebook is my longest.

During my break, I decided that I wanted to be under my own influence for a while. It was tempting to want to get on Facebook to share parts of my life, such as my Kon Mari decluttering milestones, my year-long daily yoga practice that continues to this day, and photographs of the many concerts I attended over the summer.

I did share a bit about my life on Instagram. I prefer it there because it's more focused on creativity and less hectic, at least for me. Not many folks I follow on Instagram share their armchair political views, thankfully.

The thing is, I don't feel people need to know everything about me. That is reserved for myself and well, I do share some of myself with those I really love.

I felt jarred recently when a friend said that she "missed me on Facebook."

The thing was, I was standing right in front of her. I was in the flesh. I was huggable. I was right there!

Besides Facebook, there's many ways to connect with me. You can call or text me. You can email me. You could Skype or FaceTime with me. You could meet me for tea, dessert, coffee, brunch, lunch, or dinner. (Breakfast is too early! Ha!) You could write me a letter or in a card and mail it. Ermagerd! Snail mail!

I'm not picking on my friend, but it did cause me to stop. I mean, I wondered if she missed the real me or just my Facebook persona?

My Facebook persona was very snarky, hipster, smarty pants, silly, profane, and music snobbish!

My real persona is difficult to portray on a social media site. It's deeper, kinder, more loving, and like a very squishy hug!

Some kind souls have taken time to keep in touch with me during my Facebook hiatus. It's been touching.

Overall, I guess technology feels isolating, not connecting, at least for me.

I crack up when I'm out and about. Everyone is plugged in to some device.

I'm in awe of kids who can ride no hander on their bikes while they look down on their screen. I want to tell them to "be careful," but I figure it's not my place.

I get suspicious looks at cafes when I just sit to savor my decaf without a device. I lived in Europe for a few months in 2014 and cafes were for conversation. Hmm, I miss that!

I sat at a cafe recently with journals and books. The young guy next to me said he needed my electrical outlet because he was actually going to do work. I said, "Sure, no problem. I'm also working too. I write by hand at times before I type it." He looked back at me with a puzzled look. So, "to work," you need to be plugged in, okay. Got it!

No, no, no!

I guess I'm just an old lady. Haha!

Everyone shares differently online. That's cool. I mean, whatever works for you. I left the online, popularity contest as an author at the end of 2015. I was frustrated as I shared authentically. I didn't want to market in people's faces. It's not my style. I had a theory that if I lived my life honestly and shared from that place, others would want to buy from or work with me.

I worked on walking my talk. I shared various challenges I have given myself.

Even with 6 funerals, including my mom's in 2015, along with two root canals, two crowns, an abscess, two fillings, a colonoscopy, and a severe case of anemia that made me lose most of my hair, I did stuff that was important to me.

During my time of challenges, I did 100 days of guitar, ending it with my doing my first open mic.

Since June 2014, I'm down 30+ pounds. I'm back to my real body.

I also have not stopped doing daily yoga since I began on September 1, 2015. I've worked out, decluttered, and done lots of growth and healing work.

I'd hire me as a coach. I'd give myself another book deal.

However, I didn't ever have the ability to "play the game" to be a success in the traditional way. If being happy is success, I'm very, very successful!

During my time of deepest grief and challenges, I've learned how to be the happiest I've ever been in my four and half decades on the planet.

Happiness isn't created by scrolling. It's not created by having a herd of online followers. It doesn't arise out of sharing your whole life in words and/or photos on social media. It doesn't come from hitting the like button on others' posts or giving them a thumb emoji in reply to their instant message. Ha! It doesn't come from buying stuff or marketing to others. Happiness also doesn't come from accomplishing stuff. Nope.

Happiness comes from giving happiness to others. It comes from choosing to be happy, even if the externals aren't perfect. It comes from feeding people and animals. It comes from being loving and not rushing or treating folks like pylons.

Besides all the stuff I shared in this seemingly revealing blog post though, there's a ton of things inside that I'm not sharing. It's some of my a-ha moments. It's the deeper stuff. It's parts of my story that I want to keep sacred. I also haven't shared all of the steps I took to become happy.

It's not my job to spill about my life. Read between the lines. Use your imagination. Allow life to show, not tell. Be okay with keeping secrets or things sacred. Get to know who your "friends" really are, don't just assume you know what's new with them from their posts on social media. Care more about others than you do right now. Let yourself be love and a part of the mystery.

Let yourself not know too...

(copyrighted 2016 by Lisa Selow)

Celebrating 5 Years of My Book Journey and Earning My Wild and Free Wings

Today I haven't wanted to be at home. I did all my week's errands and groceries. I did really important things like rescue a fly stuck in my house, helping him get outside safely. I froze bananas for my next few days of breakfast smoothies. Haha! 

Yeah, I'm avoiding sitting quietly with myself. So, I thought I'd write here today.
I figure maybe someone else experiences milestones or calendar dates in a similar way as me.
I wonder if there's some solidarity or kindness I can spread by writing about my struggles here?
You see, five years ago, I learned I received a book contract. I had submitted my proposal and obviously, I heard "yes" back.
I was in shock, but mostly relieved. I had been through three or four very difficult years before hearing my good news.
I thought that perhaps, my life was going to change and doors would fly open for me professionally, after struggling for 15 years to get any kind of "success."
I received my book contract on July 25, 2011. I did the math for you, haha! July 25 is my late, maternal grandma Edith's birthday. I was close to her. She died in 2001.
So, when I found out about my book, it was on the tenth anniversary of not having her alive to celebrate her birthday.
Surely, I thought that the heavens were cracking open, saying to me that I was "on my way," hearing about my book contract on such an auspicious day.
I mean, it had to be a "sign," right? A sign from the universe that my life was gonna change for the better and there would be no more struggle, right?
Ha!
So, yes, my life changed. But, the struggles became worse for me. Yet, I sit here as I type and can honestly say that I'm the happiest I've ever been, despite things not turning out as expected.
Some well-intentioned folks told me I should get "over it" regarding the disappointment and situational depression I had after my book. I tried. I mean, I had been some kind of healer or coach since 1998, investing much time and resources into my education. I had done personal growth work since the 1980s! I wrote a self-help book.
I tried to heal myself, but it didn't work until I allowed myself to feel all my emotions and feelings. Nothing else worked. Very few of the tools I had were applicable for the situation I created for myself.
I read books. I took classes personally and professionally. I "rebranded" myself a few times, haha! I chanted, prayed, was coached, and cried until I had no tears left.
My life force was dim. I was feeling like maybe I should just accept that my life was going to keep on getting worse.
It took me well over three years to feel alive again and to get my inner spark fired up again. These days, I think I glow.
Today is a milestone, but I'm trying to feel it as a positive one. It's the anniversary of the beginning of my rebirth, the seeds planted for my emergence as a happy Brave Girl.
I don't feel like rehashing my whole story of how things sucked with my book. I have peace in my heart that I did my best and possibly was able to help a few souls with the book.
I've learned that with creative work, I'm just an instrument of the divine and I can't get attached to outcomes. It can hurt when others aren't supportive or loving in the ways we need them. However, even that is a blessing. I think you learn who your true friends are, a good thing to know!
Along the way, I had much devastating loss, grief, and challenges. I lost friends. The support of others in my field and at my publisher went away. I tried to resuscitate everything, but ended up exhausted, flaring up my autoimmune stuff and thyroid, gaining weight and having adrenal fatigue, severe insomnia, anxiety, situational depression, and anemia. These were things that I had in the late 1990s and I thought I had healed them!
Much of my hair fell out too. As a woman, this has been distressing. I have a cute floppy hat collection now. Again, another blessing!
Also, about one year ago in 2015, just after my mom passed away, I had a month and a half with two root canals, two crowns, and two fillings, along with a baseline colonoscopy at an early age! I mean, think about the country songs I could've written. In there, I attended five other funerals of loved ones, not too long after my mom's funeral.
I spent much time, effort, and funds the past three years on my health. I lost nearly 30 pounds. I feel way better. I have energy. I don't even use caffeine any more. Nope.
I'm so grateful and blessed that I can function again. Basic things make me blissful, such as being able to sleep or cook dinner! Yay!
At the end of 2015, I closed my business as a coach and author.
I continued to shed, release, let go, and find my health and happiness after closing my business.
I no longer have the need or desire to build a "following" online, spending so much time and heart energy on that. Being Internet famous has no appeal to me. I feel I was always a heart-centered marketer. To be a success in the self-help field, there are things one needs to do that I'm just not willing or able to do.
I've had many changes and bright spots in my life. I lived in Europe for close to three months at the end of 2014. During my book stuff in the spring of 2013, I did a mini book tour along the California coast. Besides traveling, I've been enjoying attending live concerts, art journaling, taking classes with The Brave Girls' Club, making music, and creating yummy, plant-based meals.
I decided to let go of being anything or anyone for the most part. I don't fit into the boxes of punk rock or rebel much these days. I'm more of a cosmic cowgirl Bohemian hippie, haha! I don't mind labels. I think we outgrow some of them, however.
So, yeah, I was the girl with the dream of being a published self-help author for close to 15 years. I made it happen and then, it kicked my butt with heartache and disappointment.
I made myself suffer quite a bit, but even that was a blessing. I returned to my daily yoga and meditation. I began decluttering my home this year too. I'm shedding my old self.
As I feel better physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, I'm feeling new dreams' seedlings underneath it all. I still am here to create. I still feel alive and have a desire to help others and our planet.
I'm still me, just a bit altered. I think of altered books, due to me being a mixed media artist. Altered books are when you take an old book and paint in it, making art on top of the pages in whichever mediums strike your fancy.
I suppose my life is much like one of those altered books. My original life story or the actual book I had published have been altered. The past few years, I've been slapping down the gesso to prepare the pages of them, so I can create and put down new stories, hopes, desires, dreams, friendships, paths, creative works, songs, and maybe even other books (*wink, wink*).
I consider my life to be like a art journal page. If things don't go as expected in my process, I can paint over it all and begin again.
What a relief!
In my long winded way, I'm saying that you can always start over. Don't allow the calendar to make you feel too sad either. Use it to celebrate how far you've come along on your journey.
See you on the road...wearing my wild and free wings.
With best wishes,

Lisa Selow (copyrighted 2016) 

Testing, testing 1, 2, 3, 4...

Hi there! I'm becoming new fangled. I'm trying out an app for blogging. So, that's why my subject line is so lame! Apologies for that.

Anyway, I seem to run my life with apps, so I figured using one for blogging made a lot of sense for me.

It's summer and I don't blog much, hahaha!

I just wanted to say "hi" and be lame, testing out this app.

More exciting and fun posts to follow soon...

Celebrating the One-Year Anniversary of My Mom's Passing Today

When I originally wrote this post, I was sitting in a cafe. I was writing it ahead of time, composing it on my iPhone. My writing process has changed so much over the years. I've become a more flowing and fluid type of gal. 

When I think about it, that flowy aspect has permeated every area of my life. This might not sound like a big deal, but it is, given how not-so-go-with-the-flow I used to embody. 

I used to be a type A personality. I was a perfectionist. I pushed and pushed. I was driven to be a success and "to be somebody." 

I ignored my body's messages to rest, even though I've had a lifelong, autoimmune condition. 

I worked and worked. I tried to please everyone. I gave and gave until I was depleted, depressed, anxious, and seriously ill. 

Along the way, I've had massive losses, family deaths, grief, disappointments, failures, and many important things have left my life. I've let go quite a bit. 

As I make a few additions to this post today, it’s the one-year anniversary of my mom Judy’s passing. She was only 63 years old. I have missed every day since she passed. I’ve taken time though to sit with my grief and allow it in, just as if I had a house guest staying with me the past year. I’ve been doing my best to honor my mom by showing up each day for my life in brave, but very small brave ways. 

I sit here smiling though. I mean, when I really think about it, I'm still me. The core of who I am has never gone away! I'm still Lisa. The eternal self is there, despite all my heartache, pain, sadness, and so-called difficult feelings. 

So much of my ego has fallen away and I just have to say that I'm relieved. The small self is even smaller in me. I’ve lost about half of my hair, much of my health and vitality, my online business, my career as an author/coach, and some friends or loved ones in the process. 

At the end of the day, I'm happiest if I've done yoga, daydreamed, played guitar, made a nice dinner for my sweet hubby and me, and fed the squirrels. 

I no longer strive, strain, or push. I've been forced to be gentle with myself. I can no longer sustain heroic efforts towards being a success. My life is pared down and I've never been happier. 

Some say that time flies. For me, it's slowed down. I'm happier with less. I like simplicity. Actually, I LOVE it! 

Death will make you examine your priorities. I went to five funerals, in addition to my mom’s from mid-2015 until early 2016. After a while, you become more choosy about not only how you spend your time, but with what you worry about as a human being. 

I never heard a dying person say that they wish they had made more money or worked harder or that they wished they would have had a million Twitter followers. Nope.

Today, I celebrate the one-year anniversary of my mom’s passing. She was always about having tea, good food, and time with family. I’m going to do a couple of those today. I’m just being gentle with myself. 

It may seem like a downer for me to write so much about death and dying. It really isn't a downer. It's life affirming. I mean, you have this precious life. What are you doing to be happy? 

Well? 

With love respect,

Lisa Selow

I toast you with my green smoothie! 

(Copyrighted 2016) 

Living a Non-Recognizable Life

It's been a while since I've posted. I know you're not supposed to write that in a blog post, but I’m not conventional. 

As I type this, I'm on my couch with a fleece blanket. It's the fatigue hours for me. I've become exhausted again. The time slot of 4-6 p.m. is rough when you have adrenal fatigue. Heck, most of the day is a challenge. 

I'm blessed because I've been able to get back into taking mostly daily walks outside. I have continued my daily yoga practice since September 1, 2015,  not missing a day. I have played guitar daily for almost a year too. I don't slack off, contrary to what some of my inner and outer critics have said about me. 

Grief is going well. Yes, I said that. My mom passed June 14, 2015. I've been to six funerals in less than a year. The thing is, I've never been happier. Yes, you read that right. I'm the happiest I've ever been, even with waves of all kinds of so-called difficult emotions, massive hair loss, fatigue, and many losses. 

I feel more alive. 

I know what matters to me. 

Things like being a success, achieving, producing, and being "friends" with certain people do not matter to me.

I've been forced to reduce my life to its essentials. This is due to health challenges I've faced the past three years. 

I like simplicity. I actually love it. 

My life isn't recognizable at times to me. I feel a bit freakish for telling you and others that I'm the happiest I've ever been. 

At times, some have wanted to treat me like some poor, little thing. Bless their hearts. They say things like, "Oh, you poor girl..." 

I appreciate others' love and concern. It's nice of them to care. The thing is, I have been struggling with an invisible dis-ease for most of my life. I began not feeling well at an early age. I had immune challenges, along with everything in between. I've still managed to work hard and accomplish much. I'm just not willing or able to push so hard any more. That's the nature of chronic fatigue syndrome. 

The interesting thing with chronic fatigue syndrome is that I've had multiple, severe flare ups over the years. Each time, it's been because of a huge life stressor or series of them. I'm sensitive and haven't always been good at managing emotions. It's why I returned to yoga and meditation in 2015. 

With working on healing each bout of chronic fatigue flare ups, I've always been rather positive, willing to do or change anything needed to feel better. I've worked hard, spent lots of time and money on this so-called fake dis-ease. Each time, I felt hopeful I could return to where I was before. Yeah, I've had full-time jobs, as well as being a competitive athlete in the past. 

This time around, I don't have anything to return to once I feel better. At the end of 2015, I dissolved my coaching and other online businesses. I also dismantled my public speaking and author career. I probably won't ever return to having a full-time job outside the home. Having a chronic illness with your most severe flare up will make you adjust your life and priorities. 

These days, I'm making art, music, and writing that is just for me. I take walks and naps. I cook healthy foods and meals for hubby JT and I. I feed the birds and squirrels. I sip on herbal tea. I gave up the last traces of caffeine and sugar in my diet to give my adrenals the best shot at healing. I don't even have one glass of wine or beer...ever. 

I have a gentler existence. I'm not trying to be somebody. I'm not trying to write books or get my name out there. If I ever write another book, it will be for fun. 

Speaking of fun, I have a lot of it. I sit in cafes and color with herbal tea. I daydream. I write songs. I go to a weekly guitar lesson. I attend live music and concerts with my hubby. I gently shop in quaint downtowns with my best friend. I meet friends now and then at lunch. 

I don't rush around. I don't try to acquire tons of new things and people in my life. I get so much joy making smoothies and salads. Stuff like that makes me smile.

So many folks have left my life, whether through death or just being on their own paths now. It's all good, even though it can hurt. I allow myself to feel all my emotions and feelings. I don't hold it in any more. I also have begun speaking up for myself in a loving way.

I'm happy. Life is good. 

I plan on sharing more of my creative path with you soon.

With love,

Lisa Selow

(copyrighted 2016

The Joy of Un-Becoming

My pal Ann Catherine rocks. We don't get to see each other much, but we chat a bit on Facbook. Last year, she gave me the most wonderful gift.

She gave me the gift of an idea. This idea is something called unbecoming. 

At first, I thought it meant being ugly physically, haha! But no, unbecoming means to let go of who you once were as you rebuild a new life. That's the short version.

I do feel that we keep some of out innate traits and characteristics. I feel we have some roles in our human lives that are difficult to shake. It's all very complex. I can't know another person's path. I also struggle to even be an expert on my own path. 

All I know for sure is that I'm doing my best. I know what I like and enjoy. I know who my true friends are and what matters to me. The rest is just details, I know.

But, I've un-become so much. I have lost track of who I am at times. At the end of the day, I don't even have many dreams (the big kind) left. It used to all bother me, but now, I just expect to shed and un-become further.

Here's a summary of sorts of some of the things I no longer am...of course, there's more, but that stuff is private, only for my heart to know. I'm giving you the highlight reel:

*I'm no longer focusing on being a life coach, author, and speaker. I let go of my online business. 

*I'm no longer a punk rock chick or purely a rocker. These days, I dig Americana and outlaw country music. I always will love rock music, but I do not feel the need to have my physical identity and appearance a certain way.

*I gave up other careers over the past two decades, in other areas such as non-profit, legal, bodywork, energy work, intuitive consultations, besides coaching, writing, consulting, and other work. 

*I'm no longer a person who "works," since my autoimmune conditions have made it impossible. 

*During the past year, I've attended six funerals. I'm no longer a person who has a mom physically. I’ve lost other folks in my life too, not just through death. 

*I used to have a big dream of relocating one day, maybe in retirement, to California. I'm okay with it never happening. I dig living in Detroit, Michigan. 

*I used to really study and enjoy New Age teachings. Nowadays, I can't stomach them, even though the book I wrote has some of them within it. 

*I used to be more politically active. I’m into helping wildlife and environmentalism, but I always have been. This is the extent of my activism. 

*I used to give and give and now, I'm burned out. I have learned to say “no.” 

*I had to give up a few of my athletic careers over the years, due to injuries, Epstein-Barr virus, chronic fatigue, and my body giving out. 

*Many of my family are deceased. I lost my uncle in 1991, my grandma in 2001, my grandpa in 2004, and my mom in 2015. I'm not close to some of my extended family. There's family members who won't or don't talk to me. I used to feel I had to “fix” these things, but no longer guilt or shame myself about most of it. 

*I used to be a good Buddhist student and now, I only casually study. 

*I used to eat raw vegan, but over the years, I've switched to a pescatarian diet. I still don't eat dairy and gluten, however. 

*I have changed my hair a bit. I used to have Bettie Page bangs. I grew them out two years ago. I feel more like my true self, not a clone of some indie girl. 

*I used to take classes for personal and professional growth. These days, I do guitar ones. 

*I used to want to be highly successful. These days, I'm just happy being able to function, have my healthy habits, and enjoy making music and art messes. 

*I used to be a person who really worried about what others think of me. I still do a bit, since I'm human. It's not as much now though.

*I have become a person who watches her calories and logs it all. So far, I've lost 25 or more pounds. As of this writing, I have only 5-10 more to go and I'll be where I'm my best. 

*I used to knit and crochet. It hurts my wrists too much these days. 

*I've become a person who art journals. I've returned to writing poetry. I write songs, haikus, and six word stories. Stuff like that.

*I used to regret not having gone on to graduate or law school. I'm at peace with it now.

*I used to be a person who numbed out online. I spend very little time on social media now.

*I used to like to buy things to feel better, especially for awhile after my mama died. I'm no longer that person.

*I used to think affirmations and positive thinking wound fix anything of mine. I no longer believe this. I don’t feel I need to be “fixed” any longer. 

*I used to be hard on myself and blame myself for everything. I'm no longer this person. I’m gentler with myself. 

I have been digging deep to excavate my true self. There's been a lot of rubble to dig myself out of at times. I've had to sit on top of the rubble pile to regroup. 

As I regroup, I see in the distance the foundation I'm slowly building for my new life. It doesn't scare me at all to step into that next phase of my life without any of the roles, labels, and dreams I used to have. I'm just tired. I'm having to recover my health. So, things have been slower for me than I want when it comes to fully moving forward. 

Some days, I'm exhausted. Sometimes, my grief over so much loss overwhelms me. At times, I feel a deep heartbreak about having "failed" so many times in so many life areas. Other days, I'm feeling like a strange pile of protoplasm that is filled with soggy tears dripping all over the place. 

I keep on getting out of bed. I've learned to appreciate life's simple pleasures and the small victories such as showering, getting dressed into real clothing, making a real lunch, or sitting to play guitar. 

It's not like I hope for things to ever get easier. I'm not waiting for life conditions to be perfect before moving on to do what I desire. I try each day to let go of some of my shame about failures. I try to turn the volume down on the voices of my inner critics. I keep on keeping on, at times, doing very crappily with housework, laundry, music, art, poetry, and cooking. I don't always keep all the balls in the air. I don't have the energy…and, that’s okay. 

I still feel the sting of others' judgments. I know it's human to judge. I don't expect others to be perfect. I know that some don't know my whole story. I know some feel I'm a slacker or loser because I don't work outside the home and I don't have kids. I mean, what do I do with all my free time? Haha! 

Ugh.

So, I'm naked here and vulnerable. I've not even shared it all. I've not shared much of the darkness I've had to wade through. I've not shared those things, but they were there. I faced much of it on my own, aside from a few close people supporting me. 

Un-becoming is hard work maybe? The thing is, much if it is effortless. Stuff and people sometimes just fall away. You shed more and more of your false self. Your body will break down. Maybe your mind bails too? Maybe your spirit falls apart too? What do you do? What can you do, really? 

All I can do is get out of bed, feed myself healthy things, and feed the squirrels. I go to the dentist and doctor a lot. I get counseling and coaching. I write, meditate, do yoga, shower, cook dinner, play guitar, read books, clean house, drink tea, help others, rest, cry, daydream, take handfuls of vitamins, get intravenous nutrients, B12 shots in my butt, sing, write songs, get angry, vent, clean house, and get dressed most parts of my days out of my pajamas. 

I still don't make my bed. 

Un-becoming is becoming it seems.

Much love,

Lisa Selow 

(Copyrighted 2016) 

When You Show Up and Others Don't

For a long time, I believed pretty much everything bad was my fault. I grew up attending parochial school. So, I absorbed the idea that if something bad happened, it was my fault. I learned that the divine was punishing me. 

I went through much of my first 40 or so years doing my best to be the good girl and a people pleaser, to avoid having bad things happen to me.  

As I began to reject religion at around age 18, I delved into learning about Eastern traditions, paganism, Wicca, and New Age teachings. At around age 10, I would read psychology and the early self-help books on the library floor. I was trying to make sense of life.  

In my twenties and thirties, I was heavily into New Age stuff such as the law of attraction. I never discarded the idea that everything that happens to me is my fault. I spent a ton of energy trying to avoid the bad stuff from happening.  

I worked on things like "raising up my vibration" to prevent disappointment, heartache, sadness, disease, and other losses. I covered up difficult emotions and feelings with Olympic level affirmations.  

At around age 40, I began discarding all the New Age guilt. I had been a Buddhist of sorts during my late 30s at the same time I was a New Age girl.  

I loved the Buddhist idea of karma or cause and effect. It reinforced what I had believed all my life, that stuff that happened to me was my fault.  

I figured that even if a tree would ever happen to fall into me, that I must have planted the causes sometime in the past, whether it's this lifetime or a past life.  

The thing is, life has a way of happening. I've learned that people you love die. Whoa, now there's something that isn't my fault!  

But...I mean, I was so hard on myself that I wondered could I have prevented others' deaths? I wanted to go back in time and take them to their doctor or cook them vegetarian meals. Stuff like that came up and the guilt piled up. I felt pummeled.  

I began to think if there was a natural disaster some place, that too, was my fault. Maybe I hadn't prayed hard enough for world peace?  

Oh man... 

I've allowed others, even loved ones, at times to hurt me because I was too chicken to set boundaries.  

I didn't want to stand up for myself because that wouldn't be "being nice," and I thought I wouldn't be planting good seeds for myself to have good stuff or karma.  

Again, I wanted to prevent the bad stuff from happening. So, I put up with lots of bad behavior and hurtful words. At times, I tolerated things that were abusive.  

I've not really ever been one to blame others for things not working out as I desired. I tend to be very self-aware and I take full responsibility for my results (or lack thereof) in my life.  

I've always been Old Reliable. I show up when I say I will, usually with a gift and a meal, haha! I don't flake out. If I have to reschedule, it's at least 1-2 days in advance.  

I try to be polite and think of others, even in the smallest of ways. As I've become older, I've stopped apologizing so much as a form of self-protection.  

At times, I've even apologized to others when they're upset about something or stressed out and it has nothing to do with me. I apologized as a pre-emptive protection, since I knew from the past that some project stuff or take things out on me.  

That is the sort of thing my heart has a hard time handling. I mean, in my mind, I've tried my best to be kind, accommodating, putting my own needs aside, and apologizing even. It's like having a shield in a battle and you think you're safe, but bullets or arrows penetrate and you still die. Ha!  

I think of myself as a good person, as someone you would want in your corner. I'm also the kind of friend who would hold your hair back as you puke when you've drank too much alcohol. True story. I've also lost a friend because I saved her life by calling an ambulance, preventing her from overdosing on drugs. She was mad at me. Another true story.  

So, I have learned that even if I'm loving, bad things still can happen. I sometimes can't avoid or shield myself from being in the crossfire.  

I'm also the kind of person or friend who will support you, lend a listening ear, attend many of your music gigs, remember your birthday, and hold you as you cry. But, even by being loving and supportive, it won't guarantee that friendships will last forever. It doesn't guarantee that even family will love you back.  

Even with all these uncertainties and past hurt, each day, I show up for life.  

I show up for others.  

I try to love others the best that I can.  

I'm a work in progress when it comes to knowing how to set boundaries. In the past, I've not always done it lovingly. I reached places where hurt and pain built up due to me not speaking up for myself. So, I've had a few times where I've unleashed my anger onto others. It was before I knew how to speak up for myself in a loving way.  

So, I'm not perfect. I just do my best.  

I try hard to accept others...without accepting their unkind words or behavior.  

What can I say? I care.  

As I've been processing the disappointment about my book journey, I've learned that sometimes, others won't or can't show up in the same way I have shown up for them.  

I really have not expected others to reciprocate to me. I figure everything balances out in some way. I know my good can come from many possible sources.  

I still believe in trusting karma. I never did nice things or supported others expecting a big karmic payout. I just chose to be kind and loving because it felt good and like the right thing to do. It's my nature.  

However, I'm human. I'm not a machine. I have had moments of sadness when others haven't showed up. It's more when they said they would. It's more when you have been friends for a while and they've supported you and suddenly stop.  

I've learned that is the nature of relationships. They're not perfect. I don't expect anything much any more from others.  

I know I sound possibly jaded. The thing is, if you have high expectations of others, you will get hurt. I've learned to let others know what I want or need. I also give what I need to myself. It feels better than blaming myself for not doing enough or being loving enough towards loved ones. I call it "heart insurance," since I won't have to experience the disappointment in my heart when others don't support me.  

It's so jarring when you experience others not showing up. I understand. I've been there many times. I have showed up for appointments a few days after my mom passed, not crying or expecting support, but having difficulties scheduling the follow up appointments. That's not my fault. Maybe some don't want to be reminded of death? Maybe I was bringing that up for them?  

I've had folks I've hired and paid not fully show up during my decade of having an online business. I learned lessons, yes. I was disappointed in them too. I worked on not feeling it was my fault. Again, I wondered what I did to cause their lack of attention to detail, poor workmanship, or laziness.  

Over the past five years, I've signed some contracts. Others didn't do all of their part. Promises were broken. I showed up doing my part, however. I gave everything 120%...or more.  

When others have a lack of integrity, it's hard to process and take. I didn't speak up for myself, again, since I didn't want to be "mean" and create negative karma or causes for myself.  

Due to not speaking up for myself, I have at times made myself physically sick due to the overwhelm of my own feelings and emotions. Even though I've been kind and loving and done my part to show up, I've blamed myself still. Yes, it's messed up. I get it now.  

Here's my big a-ha moment. It might not sound like something an enlightened person would say, but I will share it: I now understand that it's not fair to blame myself 100% for everything bad that happens to me or on the planet.  

People still are under their own consciousness. I can't 100% control outcomes, even if others have made promises or are bound to a contract. I'm not God. I'm not the universe. Thank goodness.  

I still partially believe in karma. I just don't use it to beat myself up any more. When so-called bad things happen to me or in the world, I ask what the lesson is for me. I ask how I can be a bigger or better force of love in the universe.  

Other times, I might need to vent or swear to feel better. I just honor my human side that way. Once I honor how I feel, things shift. I go back to a place of compassion for myself and others, since we are all learning.  

I don't hold onto a ton of hurt any more. I also find it's better to keep my heart open, even with all the bad things that have happened to me.  

As I show up each day on the planet for myself and others, I find some comfort that some do show up for me no matter what.  

I smile as the sun and moon greet me daily.  

My neighborhood squirrels and birds visit daily. I thank them for their friendship by feeding them.  

Every day, my sweet hubby hugs me.  

My true friends show up too. I have some people who I love like family.  

My heart beats and my lungs breathe.  

The stars always are there.  

I smile daily in the mirror, even if it's hard.  

There's constancy in the universe, even amidst the change that is constant.  

Not everything can stay the same, I get that.  

I do know that even though loving deeds or showing up for others feels unrequited at times, that love will never go away. It just takes different forms, sometimes unexpected ones.  

It's there though.  

With love, 

Lisa Selow  

(Copyrighted 2016)