You Don't Need to Know Everything About Me

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Hi there! It's been a while since I posted. I don't really care to justify why you haven't heard from me.
Let's just say that I'm learning to accept that I'm a private, sensitive introvert.

However, as the photograph of me as a happy 5 year-old graduating from Kindergarten next to my teacher shows, I'm small, but vibrant. I do like to share my light.

Learning makes me happiest.

Speaking of learning, it seems like one of my biggest areas of growth has been about mindfulness or being more present.

I've owned a smartphone since 2011. It's been fun, but I've had to learn to put limits on myself. I have important songs I want to write and share.

Scrolling through newsfeeds isn't going to assist my mission. Nope.

I've been off Facebook (except Messenger) since April 1, 2016. I will be back on as of November 15, 2016.

I've had other social media breaks in the past of varying durations. This hiatus from Facebook is my longest.

During my break, I decided that I wanted to be under my own influence for a while. It was tempting to want to get on Facebook to share parts of my life, such as my Kon Mari decluttering milestones, my year-long daily yoga practice that continues to this day, and photographs of the many concerts I attended over the summer.

I did share a bit about my life on Instagram. I prefer it there because it's more focused on creativity and less hectic, at least for me. Not many folks I follow on Instagram share their armchair political views, thankfully.

The thing is, I don't feel people need to know everything about me. That is reserved for myself and well, I do share some of myself with those I really love.

I felt jarred recently when a friend said that she "missed me on Facebook."

The thing was, I was standing right in front of her. I was in the flesh. I was huggable. I was right there!

Besides Facebook, there's many ways to connect with me. You can call or text me. You can email me. You could Skype or FaceTime with me. You could meet me for tea, dessert, coffee, brunch, lunch, or dinner. (Breakfast is too early! Ha!) You could write me a letter or in a card and mail it. Ermagerd! Snail mail!

I'm not picking on my friend, but it did cause me to stop. I mean, I wondered if she missed the real me or just my Facebook persona?

My Facebook persona was very snarky, hipster, smarty pants, silly, profane, and music snobbish!
My real persona is difficult to portray on a social media site. It's deeper, kinder, more loving, and like a very squishy hug!

Some kind souls have taken time to keep in touch with me during my Facebook hiatus. It's been touching.

Overall, I guess technology feels isolating, not connecting, at least for me.

I crack up when I'm out and about. Everyone is plugged in to some device.

I'm in awe of kids who can ride no hander on their bikes while they look down on their screen. I want to tell them to "be careful," but I figure it's not my place.

I get suspicious looks at cafes when I just sit to savor my decaf without a device. I lived in Europe for a few months in 2014 and cafes were for conversation. Hmm, I miss that!

I sat at a cafe recently with journals and books. The young guy next to me said he needed my electrical outlet because he was actually going to do work. I said, "Sure, no problem. I'm also working too. I write by hand at times before I type it." He looked back at me with a puzzled look. So, "to work," you need to be plugged in, okay. Got it!

No, no, no!

I guess I'm just an old lady. Haha!

Everyone shares differently online. That's cool. I mean, whatever works for you. I left the online, popularity contest as an author at the end of 2015. I was frustrated as I shared authentically. I didn't want to market in people's faces. It's not my style. I had a theory that if I lived my life honestly and shared from that place, others would want to buy from or work with me.

I worked on walking my talk. I shared various challenges I have given myself.

Even with 6 funerals, including my mom's in 2015, along with two root canals, two crowns, an abscess, two fillings, a colonoscopy, and a severe case of anemia that made me lose most of my hair, I did stuff that was important to me.

During my time of challenges, I did 100 days of guitar, ending it with my doing my first open mic.
Since June 2014, I'm down 30+ pounds. I'm back to my real body.

I also have not stopped doing daily yoga since I began on September 1, 2015. I've worked out, decluttered, and done lots of growth and healing work.

I'd hire me as a coach. I'd give myself another book deal.

However, I didn't ever have the ability to "play the game" to be a success in the traditional way. If being happy is success, I'm very, very successful!

During my time of deepest grief and challenges, I've learned how to be the happiest I've ever been in my four and half decades on the planet.

Happiness isn't created by scrolling. It's not created by having a herd of online followers. It doesn't arise out of sharing your whole life in words and/or photos on social media. It doesn't come from hitting the like button on others' posts or giving them a thumb emoji in reply to their instant message. Ha! It doesn't come from buying stuff or marketing to others. Happiness also doesn't come from accomplishing stuff. Nope.

Happiness comes from giving happiness to others. It comes from choosing to be happy, even if the externals aren't perfect. It comes from feeding people and animals. It comes from being loving and not rushing or treating folks like pylons.

Besides all the stuff I shared in this seemingly revealing blog post though, there's a ton of things inside that I'm not sharing. It's some of my a-ha moments. It's the deeper stuff. It's parts of my story that I want to keep sacred. I also haven't shared all of the steps I took to become happy.

It's not my job to spill about my life. Read between the lines. Use your imagination. Allow life to show, not tell. Be okay with keeping secrets or things sacred. Get to know who your "friends" really are, don't just assume you know what's new with them from their posts on social media. Care more about others than you do right now. Let yourself be love and a part of the mystery.

Let yourself not know too...

(copyrighted 2016 by Lisa Selow)
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